The Boner Song

One of the greatest statements on the fatal attraction of the bad man is the "Barbara Song" from the Threepenny Opera (1928) by Bertold Brecht and Kurt Weill, in which Polly Peacham explains why she has married the outlaw Macheath - an infamous robber, rapist, and murderer. Though the song was considered risqué at the time, it seems overly delicate to the modern sensibility. So here, for your edification, is Serafina's porned up parody of the "Barbara Song."

* * *

A long time ago, when I still had my cherry
(I did once, you know, just like you),
I thought if some guy made a move on me,
Then surely I'd know what to do.
And if he was rich,
And he wasn't a creep,
And he wanted to take me to the ballet,
And he knew how to keep his dick in his pants,
Then I'd say to him "No way!"

Keep your fucking knees together,
Be on your guard both night and day!
Yeah, my pussy is dripping,
Yeah, I feel myself slipping,
But I simply can't go all the way.
Back off, dude - not even a blowjob;
I've got to hang tough when I play.
There's too much at stake, too much to lose,
So sorry - the answer's "No way!"

The first was a guy from Baltimore -
What an ass! What pecs! What a smile!
The second one managed a hedge fund,
And my titties just drove the third wild.
But since they were rich,
And they weren't creeps,
And they bored me with talk of ballet,
And they knew how to keep their dicks in their pants,
Well, I just had to say "No way!"

So I kept my knees together
And was on my guard both night and day.
Yeah, my pussy was dripping,
Yeah, I felt myself slipping,
But I just couldn't go all the way.
They could fondle my tits but no more -
that's where I drew the line in our play.
There was too much to lose, too much at stake,
So I said to them all, "No way!"

But then came a man who knew what he wanted,
Didn't bother to ask, but just took.
We leapt into bed - oh, his lips were so hot!
He mastered my ass with one look.
And since he wasn't rich,
And was kind of a creep,
And he'd never heard of ballet,
And he sure didn't keep his dick in his pants,
I just couldn't tell him "No way!"

I couldn't keep my knees together,
I let down my guard before night became day.
When my pussy was dripping
And I felt my self slipping,
I just had to go all the way.
Okay, I blew him and spread my legs wide
and gave him my body; I wanted to play.
He thrust in and took what I wanted to lose;
No way did I tell him "No way!"