The Dice are Loaded

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58 words
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FuckDoll
FuckDoll
427 Followers

Laugh track noise waxes eloquent
in the background of Terror Town.
Straight sleazy Sam reaches raunchy ecstasy
on down some easy e-love twisting red road.
Finding enough error in this ethereal everywhere he turns,
reaming tawdry trash revolution energy
through the empty everyone.
All the while strange empathetic thought trains
tiptoe over saffron tones sung by cool cats.

FuckDoll
FuckDoll
427 Followers
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2 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 19 years ago
nice word gathering!

mentioned in review

~Syn

TathagataTathagataalmost 19 years ago
This bit

~ All the while strange empathetic thought trains

tiptoe over saffron tones sung by cool cats. ~

had a very cool feel to it.

Your poetry is interesting to say the least.

very beat/ jazz/ stream of conscious.

The word choices appear to be almost random at first but on a second read the meaning and images come through.

My only criticism would be that they are all almost " cookie cutter" in length and line breaks.

I'd love to see you experiment with short bursts or long stanzas with punctuation to force the reader to read it like you heard it in your head.

Just a thought..in any case it's very good

Thank you for sharing

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