The Final Frontier

DCCLXXXVII A.U.C.*

Caledonia, Marcellus!
It rains here all the time,
and I swear by Luppiter Victor!
all the females are ugly.

Merda! She scratched me with her nails
after the blue men had fled
when I asked her what her name was
in the few words I know of their tongue,
but that cunnus hissed me instead.

Ptolemy who mapped the Hebrides
says there are tribes further north.
Pray by the balls of Bacchus, Marcellus,
Festus finds in the sheep's entrails
the blue men have no more bastions
and all the women are frail.

*92 A.D. in the Gregorian Calendar