Two great stars once found their way,
Meeting under circumstance of gray;
Collision granted sparks to fly,
Erupting flames to soar on high.
Warmth and want consumed them both,
The flames to flare above sworn oaths;
Within the blaze the stars would dance,
Giving all to one brave chance.
Beyond all hope the stars did yearn,
Forgotten warmth upon them burned;
Lost in flames the stars did cry,
The time arrived to say goodbye.
The flame at last had run its course,
Yet in the stars lived no remorse;
For all that burned as stars came wake,
To ash they scattered, beyond escape.
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EvilLove32 favorited this poem!
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I prefer this of your two poems
I think it is incredibly difficult to carry a reader with you on poems that are archaic (flare above sworn oaths) or portentous (Love once shared to hold all the world balanced). You only have to lose a reader for a moment and you then lose all impact.
I do think this poem has some nice structure, concepts and flow. I would be pleased to see a poem from you that was more 'mundane' - if you could bear that.more...
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