- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Horses We Run
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There is nothing wrong with stable
mates
when the appaloosas are tethered
to them. Geldings and mares of amiable
temperament, strong in gum and hoof.
Their guardianship of the wilder ones
is the barn’s great equalizer.
There is nothing wrong with stable.
Let those spotted ponies on the loose
if just to watch them run. The stallions
will rut any filly, be wary
of the beautiful nature,
far too raw too sustain. Left to their own wiles,
they are cannibals,
consuming paint spots
outlined in lead, chasing each other’s tails,
biting more than fleas. These plains take,
and they take rough. Rope them
to a stable mate
but let them loose to run.
- COMMENTS
ishtatalmost 18 years agoYour work has great intelligence that attracts (constructive) criticism and this poem is no exception.I find myself liking a lot about what you write but am still uncertain of my own response.Still, much better to make us think.I won't make specific comments because most have already beeen covered and as noted I am a little undecided .
cherries_on_snowalmost 18 years agoI enjoyed the employment of the double use of stable. The only suggestions I would make have been made. Thank you for the poem.
Tzaraalmost 18 years agoHey. Yeah, "stablemate" is the word, but unless I'm dumber than I think I am (wait--that's almost a certainty) I think I know why you split the words. The problem with it is that it causes the reader to stop, back up, and then go forward. I don't really object to this like TRM does, but it is a consideration.
I assume the single word line "mate" was a word wrap error? If not, I agree it doesn't make a lot of sense.
Nice poem, prairie girl. ;-)
TheRainManalmost 18 years agothis has the makings of something really good.
here are my thoughts:
no reason at all for "mates" to have its own line. it simply draws unwarranted attention to itself.
'stablemate' should be one word, in all places.
i think the line breaks in the first strophe could be improved, but they are not as poorly considered as the rest of the poem. the first strophe is strong, IMO.
the second "too" = "to"
"consuming paint spots outlined in lead" is way too much of a reach.
"Rope them to a stablemate but let them loose to run" is not a strong ending at all. it is already implied, and feels preachy. you can do far better.
your phrasing in spots is stunning, as usual. fine-tune and finalize this poem -- that is my suggestion.
Anonymousalmost 18 years agoA well constructed piece of pure poetry. I liked the imagery you've used here; my favourite being
'they are cannibals,
consuming paint spots
outlined in lead, chasing each other’s tails,
biting more than fleas'
