- Erotic Poetry
- The Lion and the Rose
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The Lion and the Rose
At first it had been curiosity
A sense of fascination in siege
That drew her to the Lion
Which pulled her into his liege
But then, the more she learned
There was more she wanted to know
Because the more she knew
Her arousal and submittal did bestow
The way he looked at and treated her
Yearning lusty ways he made her feel
An earthquake rose within her breast
The more she came - to understand his appeal
She had always wanted someone
Mature, regal, and wise enough to recognize
A flowering Rose like woman she had become,
Experienced enough to seize her nectar's prize
The woman she was coming to be
Now, a feeling that rocked her soul
She came to serve the Jungle King
like a volcanic stream she entered the flow
Allowing her to feel safe and secure
Unconditionally conceding her to trust
Sensitive and tender extinguishing her defenses
Igniting her deepest fantasies of lust
He took her to that sacred pooling place
Where all things possible bloom with fragrant mist
Where the rose fully opens as it's caressed
As the torrent of a waterfall plunges in tryst
She puddles sweetly into a wanton pool
Of clear, warm, and fragrant waters rippling
The fragrant rose with velvet skin
In the throes of ecstasy with the lion king
An Original Composition by:
Quivering Quill
A Scribbles & Doodles Creation
Copyright © 2013 – All Rights Reserved
- COMMENTS
HarryHillabout 11 years agoPrevious comments covered all my observations. Content: gave you a B,
Rhyme scheme: F, Cadence: F, Perseverence: A, Vote: None
Welcome to Lit.
Anonymousabout 11 years agowith misuse of words and images(i.e."liege" used incorrectly, "bestow" used incorrectly, "volcanic stream entering flow" makes no sense, "rocked her soul" is this a rock opera?,"wanton pool"sounds like a bowl of soup in a Chinese restaurant, "water plunges in tryst" total misuse of tryst, " sacred pooling place" either you mean polling place or drop the ing---this ain't Finnegan's wake and my dear quill, you ain't Joyce--when in doubt use a dick-tionary
these are the best two lines, maybe less is more--
"Where all things possible bloom with fragrant mist
Where the rose fully opens as it's caressed"
SweetOblivionabout 11 years agoSome thoughts:
1. If you build a rhyme scheme - stick to it - you go all over the place after about 4 stanzas.
2. Work out the meter - you are inconsistent right from the very beginning
3. Avoid awkward phrases that don't seem quite English - it's rather strange to pull some one into a liege which means obligate them to render feudal allegiance and service for instance.
4. If you want free-flowing meter untramelled by such contraints then try blank verse.
Hope this is of some assistance to you - I can see you made some effort in writing this ode and did think it through - so do try again. Sweet O.
