The Master That I Want

I want to feel your presence surround me
whether you are near me or not.
I want to know that you will always answer me
when I cry out for you.
I want to feel all my fear and have it quelled
when I look in you eyes.
I want the constant storm around me to cease
at the sound of your voice.
I need to feel the strength of your hands
pressing firmly against my skin
My muscles straining against your stronger ones
until they fail me and cease to struggle.

Learn who I am and engulf me,
Find all the hidden parts of me that have been shamed into silence,
Shine the light of your wisdom on them,
Bring up the anger in me, bring up the tears,
Let me fight with you and know that I can't win.
It makes the surrender all the sweeter in the end.

I need to see the resolve in your eyes,
The resolve that is your strength, your power that I don't have.
I want to know this power so that when it has taken me
I can cling to it, learn from it, grow because of it
and most of all feel serenity when I am immersed in it.
Let me know that giving up to you is safe,
That you have things always in control,
That you will guide me so that I can step forward in confidence,
my hand in yours, my eyes closed, my heart singing
because it has finally found its sanctuary.

I want to give myself completely to you, holding nothing back,
no regrets, no doubts, no hesitation.
I have so much trust. I need somewhere to lay it,
somewhere it won't be betrayed or abused.
I want you to make me into what you know is best -
what you would be most content with and proud of.
I want you to know that I would give anything within my own meager power
to have this kind of peace.

But please don't love me.