The Pains of Pilgrimage

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oediplus
oediplus
646 Followers

At last! The big red knob is in the sheath
My head's between her legs - I start to dig
Alas! Before too long, she grits her teeth
Her hands push back - "Babyyyyy you're just too big!"

I pull back out, and lo! she moans and whines
Her head shakes no, her nails scratch up my tush
I smile – I know this lass won't pay the fines
For this carnal delight without my push

I plunge again, my mind is resolute
I'll be her darling boy - I'll make her cream
Just as I stuff it all inside her chute,
she's tense - her claw's dug in, her breath's a scream

Her wide blue eyes – they pass the last verdict
I know I'm all the way to mom's cervix

Everybody's older than 18

oediplus
oediplus
646 Followers
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2 Comments
MagnetronMagnetronalmost 10 years ago

1) There really wasn't a need to impress upon the reader that this was an incestuous relationship. It had a bit of shock value as it was revealed the very end. That's about all it brought to the story.

2) The rhymes were consistently solid until becoming loose in the final lines.

3) Someone who pays fines is not typically one who passes verdicts and vice versa.

These three factors cause the ending to become out of sync wih the rest.