The Preacher's Confession

You come to me asking for the Lord's blessing
To cleanse your soul of sins you're now confessing
I myself must confess I'm mystified and truly stumped

I thought I was here to help guide you along
To preach the Word of God and sing His mighty song
Not listen about the neighbor's wife that you humped

Why don't you just keep those details quiet
I'm breaking out in laughter to the point of a riot
Why is it so difficult for you to grasp His beautiful Way?

You are forgiven if you are likewise a forgiving soul
With free will comes a price that takes it's toll
Meanwhile you're free to screw with whomever you lay

Don't give me that familiar old song and dance
About how the Devil won't let you keep it in your pants
And how he is busy luring everyone into strange beds

If you're too weak to resist the Whores of Babylon
You really haven't been listening to me babble on
About how yawl fabricate these excuses in your heads

Why, if I had a dollar for everytime I myself gave in
Well ... Hell, I'd be wealthier than the Vatican
And should spontaneously combust into pillar of hellfire

At the risk of repeating myself once again
Especially regarding affairs with married women or men
You're only tempted by what it is you already desire

If you truly want to do right by the Almighty
You might want to brush up on your Aphrodite
From the Greeks we inherited great tales of forbidden love

I don't think any of those stories ever ended happily
In that era when eternal damnation was common, you see
Jealous lovers were what you should've been more afraid of

Now, if you would please excuse me for a while
I have more pressing matters to attend to and reconcile
Like the choir awaiting me to direct them in a song

And if you know of any other ladies that want to sing
Mrs. Anderson will be in the back room auditioning
My God I think today she's wearing a thong