The Psalm of Friendship

Written as a tribute to my best friend as a *very* belated birthday present. Originally put to paper on 7/05/2005, I just found the file so as to share it with everyone here. :)
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You, friend, are my Shepherd; I shall not want.
You maketh me lie down when I am tired.
You leadeth me to the still waters of the toilet.
You restoreth my beer:
You leadeth me in the paths of tripping on things for comedy's sake.

Yea, though I walk in the shadow of finals,
I will fear no studying: for thou shalt distract me;
Thy booze and your TV, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me laden with pizza and french fries;
Thou annointest my head with sports drinks; my cup is suddenly empty.

Surely bad grades and flunked classes shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of my mother forever.