The school secretary

Mrs Jones, it's Jane from the school,
no, nothing to worry about, well not much at all,
those few spots on Johnny we talked about,
they're all over his body, beginning to sprout.

It's the school, sorry to disturb you
but dear little Michael has been playing with glue,
fret not it's not head to toes,
just got two fingers stuck up his girlfriends nose.

A bit of advice on bring and show,
it's none of my business I know,
but rather than Playboy full page spread,
in future can Nigel bring teddy bear instead?

It's the school secretary here my love,
good news, we've located Samantha's glove,
in the end it turned into farce,
some poor kid had it stuffed up his - no don't laugh!

Yes Mr Page be full of cheer,
but go easy, celebrate small beer,
little Lucy isn't that bright,
it's taken us years to get her to spell her name right.

Bad news, he's broken his nose,
tough school, that's how it goes,
yes, I appreciate that he's the head,
but if he fondles my breasts again he's dead!