The Sexual Misadventures of Kit Meiterhaus

The Sexual Misadventures of Kit Meiterhaus

You would think nothing could go wrong
being five foot nine and blonde, a dirty blonde
but still sunny enough. There was the matter
of the gap-toothed smile,
but some people really go for that sort of thing
(usually people who like to watch bridges rise
and barges coast through them).

She was hired out for looks and told not to speak,
or if she spoke
as little as possible,
please!
and none of those guttural German words
likeichandvater
althoughkunstmight be acceptable in certain situations
(and only if the man was sporting a small mustache).

She wore thigh-high fishnets and thought of hervater
(who was a fisherman) but didn't say anything. She'd smile
behind her hand and laugh at inappropriate times,
slurp her snails from their shells,
and once she burped
(but she saidbitteclapped her loud hand to her face
remembering she wasn't to speak. It didn't happen again).

She loved both men and women,
inanimate objects and squat bedposts
with the same rapt expression
(for she was told to think of happy things
so she thought of waffle cones and dark beer). Often people
thought she seemed a little unplugged
perhaps a trifle challenged,
a nibbled sandwich at the proverbial picnic of mental capacity
(usually these people were not men,
nor in the complicated process of unbuttoning her stockings).

She took her spankings liberally,
never holding grudges. Leashes and latex,
leather and lighters met no resistance. Silicone doll
that breathswas her boss's catch phrase marketing
to men passing through (mostly men with cameras,
men in ties, men with nametags, men with groups of other men).

She made a little money, went home, sang German in the shower
(quite loud)
looked at her collection of fishing rods, drank dark beer,
thought of waffle cones and the complicated process
of unbuttoning love.