The (Sexy) Night Before Christmas

’Twas the night before Christmas, and down in my drawers
my creature was telling you, “Get on all fours!”
You’d already laid down your stockings with care
and come to molest me in my easy chair.

The kids were all upstairs and sleeping at last
and now it was “us” time; not slow, but not fast,
you unbuttoned my britches and pulled my pants down
and up sprang my elf with his little pink crown.

He trembled and twitched with desire that was spastic,
desiring our session of love to be drastic.
Tenderly, gently caressing my shaft,
you leaned close to kiss it, just driving me daft!

By flickering firelight, its head disappeared,
when all of a sudden, the thing that I feared
the most about Christmas Eve night came to pass,
as Santa Claus plopped on our fire, on his ass.

Our fire was extinguished and smoke filled the air
as Santa jumped up with a burning derriere.
I took in the view with a wilting erection,
and wondered, “What’s wrong with our burglar detection?”

Santa was hopping and howling in hurt;
I pulled up your favorite plant from its dirt
and taking the pot, knocking over my rum,
I ran up to rub the wet soil on his bum.

The fire was put out, and the poor old elf sighed
to think that this Christmas he well could have died;
and when he spied you, collapsed naked and weeping,
I couldn’t help think that he shouldn’t be peeping.

When I recognized the odd look on his face
I reminded him he had invaded our space.
“And now, come to think of it, where are the toys?
“Surely you’ve brought some, for our little boys.”

I walked to the closet and chose a warm blanket
to cover your butt with. (I wanted to spank it.)
He walked to the chimney, and reaching within,
unsnagged his bag, which fell down with a din.

“Quiet!” I said: “Must you make such a clatter?”
He smiled just as though to say, “Nothing’s the matter,”
and then just to prove to me nothing was wrong,
he tossed you a shiny new silicone dong.

He stashed the boys’ presents all under the tree,
and turning, he gave me a new DVD;
there were pictures of hot sexy things on the case,
and one of them seemed to be wearing your face!

He gave a big wink and walked right out the door.
I locked it behind him and glanced at the floor
where you looked so peaceful, all comfy and bare
beneath the big blanket now covering you there.

I stripped off my clothes and lay down at your side;
you were already giving your new dong a ride!
And what had gone limp from our rude interruption
now perked up quite nicely, and stood at attention.

I reached for your free hand and guided it where
it could find my “north pole” sticking out in the air...
and I heard Santa shout, as he left on his sleigh,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good lay!”