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Click hereYou want 34 years lined up,
Like ants marching from here to there.
I’ve done that, and it’s never a straight line.
The story of my life is better told
Through inconsequential moments,
In no particular order.
“I am she, who, at age three…”
Or, “On that day, he went away…”
Are simple tales, and good.
(And what you want.)
But somehow,
They seem so flavorless:
Overcooked oatmeal
With nothing on top.
The tale I long to tell is of
Smoke rings rising in the moonlight,
And shed windows broken behind their backs,
Of pin pricks drawing blood,
And cat paw prints across a car hood.
These things are sweeter,
And have more meaning.
You ask me to point and shoot
Landscapes and portraits
As explanation, a perfect picture.
But I prefer pointillism:
Each moment distinct and precise,
Seemingly unrelated,
From a few steps back
Paints the whole me.
your pen name from it or for it...
makes the reader feel the words and terrific imagry...
nice work......
KOLKORE, this wasn't intended to be poetic pointilism, although I may have to try it now that you've mentioned it. This was my somewhat angry response to someone who literally asked me to "tell me the story of you life - just enough so I have a sense of where you've been."
I really like the idea of poetic pointilism though... I'm going to try it. I'll post it here if it's any good.
I tend to agree with duddle’s take. Yet, somewhat paradoxically the poem itself has a bit too much of the “lined up” telling quality (kind of the summary type the guy wants…), and too little of the “pointillism” (I like the painting image, a la Seurat ), the way you say you define yourself (or should I say un-define yourself).
You started telling your ‘micro-experiences’ in the first two lines of the second stanza, but then drifted. In the third stanza I was not sure anymore if you are continuing or giving a metaphor for the kind of experiences you would consider appropriate for the telling of your life. See the use of plural in the third stanza. Is that a report of an actual repeated experience of yours or an allusion to the qualities you would like to have in your biography?