The Walk of Shame/Redemption, or..

The Walk of Shame/Redemption, or How I Tried to Reclaim my Sexuality by having Casual Sex but Instead Felt Ambivalent the Morning After

i stifle my emotions like wool
and then i get the itch
and it comes with force, out there in the wild
like you, ejaculation
a steady 0 to 28
with a glimpse of skin.

a little kiss
a covenant of nothingness
as i lie there bearing my soul
and all that is me
there for me
and you think i'm doing it for you.

whispers of 'i missed you'
when you didn't even know i was gone

whispers of 'i love you'
and you don't even know my name

my friday is being wrapped up like a christmas present
but it's not department store quality--
my day has been wrinkly brown paper
and crinkly scotch tape
My crispness is stale
and the only thing that can separate you from me
is the glowing ember of a post-coital ciggy

In my corner, I don't feel alone.
I don't feel used.
Did I use?
You lose.

Sleepiness and a mile,
And I remember that sweet alcohol taste on your breath
Your staggering
and your conversations with the voices
I wasn't in the room with you,
I was the room, and your mind was the space.
In your rare slumber,
You're back there, and I'm here--our rightful places--
I kept my eyes closed in that room
while you traced my eyelashes.
You forgot I was in the room when you closed your eyes
and I traced my fingers around that generic maroon and brown print of a sofa.

You missed me without knowing my name,
Anonymous kisses with so much meaning
I felt uncomfortable in your arms
My land uncharted
but your army unleashed and thinking
Canada is the Promised Land.
You worshiped my body, goddess-shaped deity
And I moaned, "Holy Holy!" and
"Oh my God!"
A blasphemous confusion,
Did you think I was talking about you?

My praises were to the heavens
Amen to the Clitoris.

3.25.06
(in memory of a certain goth kid. and to dust, ye shall return...)