There's this tree

There's this tree
that reminds me of him...

An oak, between two highways
near a Home Depot and a bagel chain store

I can't help but think of him when I see it

It was early March
And he was driving me, unexpectedly
to my friend's house, nearby

I asked him if he thought
the branches had buds on them

I remember there was...a long...
pause...

It may be my mind, inserting things that weren't there
So fragile memory is
Maybe I created this one

A pause, an almost pregnant pause

As if he had something to say to me
other then "yes, it looks like it's budding"
which is what eventually squeaked out

At the time I thought,
Well, that was silly...
this guy is one of my closest friends
he spends lots of time with me
he's seen

Who I am

and yet, here he is
in the car, next to me
so unsure of whether or not that oak is budding
so unsure it makes him seem...
nervous...

it's just an oak tree, buddy
my attempt at small talk
Not a fan of small talk
but oak trees, I am a fan of

And around him...
I sometimes found my wordy mouth quieted
Not sure what to say
Trying to fight
Although, usually not consciously,
my undeniable attraction to him

A fantasy, this man
Visited me in my most intimate thoughts...
Next to me in the car
I try to talk about oak trees
budding
in the spring

but was his pause there?
was there something other than oak trees
he wanted to talk about?

Or was this one of those moments
my mind created
out of wished for and imagined events...

I know as fact
he was there
I was there
we talked about the oak tree budding

but...what was it we didn't talk about?
What was it?