They Never Tell You

They never told me
that it doesn't feel
like a broken heart,
that it feels more like
my heart was crushed
torn to pieces with claws
that my soul would scream
and run fleeing
into an ice block
that fills my chest.

they never told me
that i wouldn't want to wake up
that there would be no point
in suicide
but also no point
in being alive.

they never told me
that this could happen to me
like it does in the movies
that i could cry like i did
without breath
without the pain ceasing
without relief at all.

they never told me
that staying together
could hurt so much
could be so hard
that i would want to
sacrifice all to
abandon pride and hope
to grovel at his feet.

they never told me
that i would be the one tested
over and over
that i would be the one
left in fear and hopelessness
the expendable one
waiting for the end
waiting for the beginning.