- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Thick
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We drive for what seems like hours
our words but a whisper
gloom lacing what we must say
under sapphire skies
in a cobalt car
her blue eyes flashing
tears streaking teal
mascara down her cheeks
My God, there’s too much blue
If only it could turn to blood
and fill her dripping veins
piece together the puzzle
of missing platelets
and wipe the blue streaks
from her pale cheeks
My God
Yes, I will care for her daughter
should her blue sky fall
Yes, I will live in her steps
should the creator call
Yes, I will be there
but my god, there has got to be a way
doesn’t there?
But there is just blue
in the car, in the sky, in her eyes
- COMMENTS
snobud33over 18 years agoAs always you have written this poem and allowed us a peak into the depth of your soul. Thank you
lobomaoover 18 years agoI really like the "too much blue". the sensoral juxtaposition is really nice. maybe you want to work it more... also what if it was less literal... I love that you don;t lead us by the hand but "platlettes" is such an interesting word, I'd love to see it worked into a less literal moment and into something synesthetic or rythmic...
but then again, I like to work real loose.
the closer is nice.
thanks for such a great moment.
twelveooneover 18 years agoVery nice write, the only suggestion, I can make is consider moving this line down further,
"My God, there’s too much blue"
switching it with the
"My God"
enjoyed
Anonymousover 18 years agoA very nice use of color-- the abstraction is kept from wandering by the concrete examples and the simple sentiment. Well done, CW.
Fly
