this gardener's loss of trust

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Sir-deprivation is worse than un?intentional deception
the pain is greater than a dull-jagged knife laceration *laughing*

i can't believe i'm laughing because i really feel no joy
You have forced me to run after manipulating Your toy
i wish i could crush You into tiny bits and pieces
the way You have done to me, shattering a love that never ceases

how can You live this way
and feel ok when You sleep
do You think of me at all at night
before You drift off to dream?
or is it easier now?
to be free of me
now that You've placed this 'burden'
on this gardener You've created?

i wish that You could feel 1/2 the pain i feel inside
perhaps then You'd find the courage to "do"
instead of live behind Your pride

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