this gardener's struggle w/ faith

You say “knowledge is power”
So right from the start
You chose to be ambiguous
Protecting Your heart

Keeping Your heart safe
You say, ‘from the pain’
“so DON’T ask Me questions, DON'T mention My name, DON'T chat on Lit, and DON”T you dare complain!

You have My heart
What more do you want
There is no one else
not on literotica.com

I don’t go there,
You know that!
No! I don’t know her
Just get over it!!!"

But the dedication(s) (today it's Pooh Boxers) Sir
Is it written about You?
In it are references
specific to You

Please Sir, let’s go read it
i just need You to see …
Why i ask of You the question
*tears* no, God no please don’t be angry with me

i want to believe You Sir it’s just--
No, Sir, please don’t go away
“and I was just buying tickets
to come to see you in Washington today”

Sir, please please come see me
No, i won’t doubt You again
Please please just hold me in Your arms
Please forgive me this sin

(with Your words) You wrap Your arms around me
And gently wipe my tears
You speak to me so softly
& melt away my fears

You are firm but very patient
You obviously care for me
i do want to be Your gardener
And You my Olive Tree

i give to You my will
You nurture me, i grow
You pressure me to leave him
“otherwise I’ll go”

but Sir… *tears* You said
as long as You know i care
You would always be my Someday Sir
And never interfere..

“Your marriage will not suffer
because I am Your Dom
but if he should EVER hurt You
to ME you WILL come”

this concern for my well-being
the protection of being owned
Captivated my heart
Body mind and soul

Do with me as You please
i am for Your pleasure and Yours alone
Ohhh yes, i will wear Your collar
i want the (cyber) world to know!

Please yes, mark my body
It is my pleasure to serve
Anything You ask of me
Is less than You deserve

You are my Olive Tree
Standing steadfast and strong
Nurturing and loving me
This is where i belong

"I want You to tell me
every time you make love"
*barely audible* Okay Sir i will tell You--
But every detail?
Sir, no, please don’t tell me
I don’t want to know
That is Your business
And Yours alone
i cannot be with You now
to me that is not fair
No Sir, i don’t want to know
When Your love is shared

i cannot ask You to be exclusive to me
But i will be exclusive to You
Of course i will not seek another online
But if that is what You do—
Please be kind Sir, and keep it to Yourself
And Sir, please don’t ever tell me
i have You all to myself

Because Sir, i will surely believe every word You say
And in time come to see
That with You is exactly
Where i think i should to be..

Your love is enduring
Patient and kind
i tell You, but i’m afraid (to leave what i know)
You tell me to dry my eyes
Then You disappear without a trace
For days it seems on end
And when i tell You i am hurt
You disappear again

No explanation only disdain
“It’s show season you know
or Disneyland w/ my brother or fixing a server or something...
I HAD TO GO!”

oh Sir, i’m sorry forgive me
i don’t mean to make You mad
Yes Sir i believe what You say (that You love me)
No, i don’t need to feel sad....

……………
*sitting in silence, her head hung in shame, thinking if He really loved her, He'd understand that leaving her without a word would tear her world apart, making her question if He IS sharing His heart*

she hangs on His every word, believing He is true, never seeing His actions... His words her only proof