- Erotic Poetry
- This Is What I Love
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This is what I love.
In the middle of the night
both asleep.
I’ll put my hand on her ass cheek.
I’ll spread her open, just barely.
Maybe the slightest opening.
If she raises up
that is the green light
the open door
the yes please.
i kiss all the way down her spine
i pull down her pajama bottoms
her ass still in the air,
waiting, longing.
i bury my tongue as far inside
as it will go.
i remember the first time
i buried my face in the
moist fall leaves after an
early November rake
i remember the first time
i swept into my hands
into my face
the mushrooms on the forest floor
the musty, murky delight.
I swear i hear her say:
this is my body
take. eat.
- COMMENTS
DanielBoonealmost 8 years agoAuthorThanks Ashesh9 for your feedback. I am so glad you liked it!
Ashesh9almost 8 years agoI'm a Bottom Lover so your first four stanzas are to me Food for my Soul .
Next two stanzas can be an excellent Non erotic poem in a standalone avatar
The last stanza ties up these two very different poems so it coalesces into one seamless Whole : I 5-ed your poem !!!
greenmountaineeralmost 8 years agoThe last 3 stanzas are fabulous, Daniel, and prevent it from being another ho-him porn poem.
A good exercise is to go through the poem and delete words to see if something is lost in the process. If there's redundancy in a poem, it should be intentional, not accidental.
For example, deleting "ass" in line 4 makes the stanza better IMO. At first, it seems like a gentle display of affection, i.e., the facial cheek, but the next line proves otherwise, so there's an "Aha!" creating a sense of "Oh, now this is going to get interesting!" on the part of the reader.
Stanza 2 is weak to me because "green light" and "open door" read like clichés. However, I do like "If she raises up the yes please," which would work well as the opening line of the next stanza. I also like the word play of "the yes please" as a noun.
If you're burying your tongue, I'm not sure "as far as it will go" is necessary, but it's OK. I mention it only because whenever a poet suggests and then adds description to what was suggested, it engages the reader less. When you bury your tongue, I can imagine it will be as far as it can go.
As I said, the rest of the poem is fabulous. I wouldn't anything.
I enjoyed reading this, Daniel.
