- Erotic Poetry
- Tiger
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Click hereCan you see Me there lurking by the tree
Watching and waiting for you to come close to Me
My eyes, so round, piercing and green
Sees the look on your face it is so serene
My nostrils flare, My tongue flicks out
To capture the musky scent your body puts out
My paws clench, My nails extend
My attack, you are hopeless to defend
My body flies through the air
My fangs sink in under your hair
I land on your back, you can feel the beast
The pent up need, soon to be released
I want to feed upon your flesh and juice
A writhing entanglement of Us, you try to get loose
I thrust in deep, over and over some more
Sinking in to your very warm core
Our growls and purrs makes the jungle go silent
As My seed inside your womb is shot and spent
We look at Each Other when We pull apart
Knowing We have captured Each Other's heart
Together We can face life's strife and distress,
I am your Tiger, you are My tigress
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineerover 7 years agoI agree with UYS, a good first effort. The animal in us when it comes to sexuality is a common theme and your imagery conveys it well. I also agree some of the meter feels forced, eg, L6, "To capture the musk your body puts out" sounds better to my ear, which reminds of another point: musk is a scent, so musky scent is redundant.
A helpful exercise is to go through your poem and pare it down. As you do, ask yourself has the meaning changed? Or is something else lost that I want to keep in the poem for whatever intention? Try to be clear in your own mind what that intention is. In the end, your poem will probably be the better for it.
I'm also not a big fan of inverted syntax. "My attack, you are helpless to defend" seems written that way only to maintain the rhyme and sounds clunky to me for that reason.
Good luck with your writing. Consider participating in Performance Feedback & Discussion. No one over there bites, and you might be surprised how your writing may evolve because of it.
tazz317over 7 years agoHowever the text is provocative, TK U MLJ LV NV
UnderYourSpellover 7 years agoSome of the lines of your Heroic couplets slip out of iambic pentameter making me stumble on what should should be a smooth read. I do wonder at capitalising some words within the body of the poem but a good first try.
