tiger grief

Let this one rest for at least six months. Then come back to it with a cold eye and ask yourself, "Can it be improved?" Consider in particular the line breaks and line capitalization. Are then extra words, etc.?

between the human and animal aspects of grief.

cause.....i'm spewing a bit....i've excerpted a few spots that interested me.......

a complicated series of sobs

And moments where her throat contracts,

The lungs empty, the panicky breathless feeling

Of drowning on land

That floods the brain as a tide coming in,

<<<< the lines above set up the grief really nice>>>>

<<<the 2 lines below...nice depth>>>>>

As a frayed thread of an afghan,

On closer inspection becomes a thicket of tiny strands;

<<<<then bam!!!!.....the next stanza...totally consumates me>>>

I have seen this grief before,

In a tiger

Keeping vigil for many days

At the still body of a cub

Pawing the ground,

Asking itself tiger-questions. <<the reader must examine>>

The depths of tiger-grief are not known to us

But surely

They are deep enough.

*********

i wanted to get into this one. sometimes i do that from time to time......nice read.......don

...poem. Thanks for sharing.

Tess

Very good poem. I would like to suggest taking out some words so it sounds a little smoother, and less of a story. Such as "and", "as" and "the" words. Maybe even take out "In fact" in the third line.

Playing with words below:

Consider the woman in this photograph on her knees.

Stilled, she appears locked in a simple wail.

In fact, what's happening is

a complicated series of sobs,

moments where her throat contracts,

the lungs empty; panicky breathless feeling

of drowning on land

that floods the brain as a tide coming in,

white noise can drown the corrosive, clanking waltz of heavy machinery;

there is much going on there.

As a frayed thread of an afghan

on closer inspection becomes a thicket of tiny strands,

a million stars appear as a single dot in the sky;

such is her grief.