Timelessness

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Remec
Remec
14 Followers

The day rushes by,
like so many before it,
but in a more immediate
and intimate manner,

I try to keep on schedule,
being Clockwise is one of
many minor OCD traits I
happen to possess,
but it it to no avail,

I am a white rabbit,
bemoaning my condition to
all who I pass while
speeding along to missed
appointments and undone
errands and chores.

I am a melted watch,
dripping over everything around
me and leaving precious
seconds here and there
until ennui has no hold on me
as there is no time
left.

Remec
Remec
14 Followers
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4 Comments
legerdemerlegerdemeralmost 8 years ago
Time waits for no one, lol

The more I read it, the more I like it. Just saw Alice Through the Looking Glass - this wouldn't have been inspired by it, would it?

I particularly like the last two stanzas, and that there is a terrific ending.

One more quibble - a typo in the last line of the second stanza ( it is) - my own OCD. And I wonder about " all who I pass" versus "all whomI pass" but... nits.

greenmountaineergreenmountaineeralmost 8 years ago

Interesting, Remec. As Neo noted, the Wonderland and Dali allusions work well together.

I've been around personality disorders too much in my life. OCD didn't work for me. We use it alot to describe ourselves in modern life, but that turns it into a cliché IMO. For some reason, "treadmill existence" came to mind as an alternative; maybe, maybe not.

Everything else was nicely knitted.

AngelineAngelinealmost 8 years ago
Love!

A great sentiment with strong images to carry it along and smooth as silk to the last word! Neo's rec brought me here and I'm glad it did.

A few nitpicks:

1) I don't think you need the comma at the end of S1, L1.

2) I think the punctuation at the end of S2, L1 should be a colon, not a comma.

3) Not sure why "Clockwise" is capped. Seems unnecessary to me, but maybe I'm missing the point...

Just my opinions: you know blah blah blah lol.

Really good stuff. :-)

NeonuroticNeonuroticalmost 8 years ago
I like it a lot

I definitely do the same, often anxiety fueled. I have images of Salvador Dalí's painting and Lewis Carroll's book in my head with this.