To Leap or Walk Away

To Leap or Walk Away

I stood at the edge
And there I looked down
I questioned myself
I pondered my life
I nudged a rock off the ledge
To watch it fall
I didn’t keep track of time
But it seemed like an eternity
Until it went thru the clouds
And vanished from sight
“Should I leap or walk away?”
I asked myself
I hardly believed I was even here
Thinking about this.
I rationalized with myself
“If I leap, it’s all over, and I’ll begin a new adventure
but if I walk away who knows what else I might find?”
Still I asked myself, the same question
“To leap or walk away?”
I’m so very scared to leap
To enter the unknown, the abyss
But if I walk away
I know what I’m going back to
Pains, loneliness, hate, a shitty job, etc.
They say, “The grass is greener on the other side”
But is that really true?
I wonder as I held my left leg over the edge.
Truthfully, much more of my life,
I cannot take.
I lit a cigarette, and inhaled
I blew out and watched as the smoke
Mingled with the air.
And asked myself
“Leap or walk away?”
All the pressures and responsibilities
Of the world down there
Feel as if they’re on my shoulders
But why?
I don’t know what to do
I need help, but whose?
Friends would blow it off
Doctors would say it’s a “ disorder”
Family would give me advice on what “I should do”
And strangers are probably the best, they wouldn’t give a damn.
Then I ask myself
“Should I leap, or walk away?”
I go to crush out the cigarette butt
Instead I flip it over the edge.
I watch it fall, but before it disappears
I turn away, I don’t care.
That’s what I’ve turned to
A cold, unfeeling, uncaring fucker
A machine, programmed and unfeeling
A machine when it’s use is no longer useful
We discard it. Throw it away.
I feel that my use is at an end, over
Do we discard and destroy this particular machine?
Once again
“To leap or walk away?”
Such simple words
But a very deep impact (no pun intended)
I can no longer force a fake smile
I find no joy in anything
Life itself is just a hassle
“Why,” I ask is this such a difficult decision?
I’ve always been spontaneous
Maybe because I know that this is the most
Deepest, important, decision of my life.
If I leap it’s all over
If I walk away, well, reality sucks!
I sit on the edge, I light another smoke
As I stare out and see the beautiful land
I wonder who else feels as I do?
Is there anybody out there who really cares?
If there is, why should they care,
Why should anyone care,
When I don’t give a damn,
When I don’t care!
But then again I must
At least a little bit,
I must care.
Fore I keep asking
“Leap or walk away?”
If I truly didn’t care
I would have already leapt.
If I truly did care,
I wouldn’t be here.
People want me to be something I’m not
How can I be something I’m not?
How can I be anything at all,
Since I don’t know who I am
Nor do I really care.
Hmm, well
“Leap or walk away?”
I’ve always wanted to fly
Of course, it would be my first and last flight
I would really become one with the land
A chance to see the land in a whole different way
As it blows through my fucking head!
Now I’m getting pissed,
I so hate indecision
I so hate cowardice
Am I a coward if I walk away?
Or a coward if I jump?
All depends on your point of view
I guess.
To some it would be very noble to jump
To know you’ve out lived your use
And to end it, making room for another.
To others it would be a mortal sin,
But I say fuck’em!
Christians are fuck’in hypocrites anyway.
Stop wasting time asshole!
“Leap or walk away?”
Where is the movie melodrama?
When some beautiful woman comes up
And talks to me, telling me, and convincing me
That life is wonderful, a real gift.
And as we wrap up the moment
I’m pulling my pants back on.
And I truly believe that which she said
And together we ride off into the sunset.
But no, I sit here alone, with my cigarette
Which has burned down to the butt.
Alone I sit, as a cold, heavy wind picks up.
To bad it’s not strong enough to blow me over the edge.
Then I wouldn’t have to make the decision of
“To leap or walk away”
Then the rain came down
Good, now no one, if I wasn’t alone
Could see my tears
Real honest to Goddess tears
I hadn’t even realized I was sobbing.
Why was I crying?
I don’t know, I have no answer
Fore myself, my soul, I don’t think so
Fore loves lost and gone, maybe, or maybe not
Because I live in a world
Lead a life, that would drive me to this?
Yes, there is my answer.
Or am I just shifting blame?
So here I am standing on the edge
Looking down, far, far, down
Questioning myself
Pondering my life
Asking myself
“Do I leap or do I walk away?”
Lets let fate decide.
Heads I leap,
Tails I walk away
So, heads it is
In fact 2 out of 3 times
Well since I very well can’t write and fly
I’ll have to say good-bye now
So off I go, on a new adventure
May the Force be with you!
Well here goes nothing
See you in the next life
Tell my daughter I love her
Hugs and kisses

Love Andrew

So I leapt instead of walking away