To Sir: Part IV

How?
Please tell me how I'm to protect myself, my very nature?
As if these wolves can sense it from within, they gather around me and one by one make a strike for the kill.
I can't duck and dodge forever…
What is it about me? They find me almost as easily as you did.
What do I do or stop doing?
Am I too open?
Am I too honest?
Should I even bother trying again for what purpose?
I feel as though I'm wasting my time and theirs.
Maybe I should close myself off again.
Maybe I shouldn't answer their questions.
Maybe I can deny my nature’s very existence.
But can you tell me how?
How do you continually deny yourself without becoming divided?
Haven't I punished myself enough?
Haven't I been alone long enough?
Can I even bring myself to my knees again if only to another?
Maybe I'm too fucked up to even consider it.
Who would even be able to take this mess on?

“Please, Sir!”

Please, tell me… How?
How do I bring myself to obey another when your very face haunts me every time I close my eyes?
How do I take the devotion I carry for you and cast it at another’s feet?
How do I beg for the pain and pleasure from another’s hands?
How can I bring myself to please another?
How do I heal myself from you?
How do I make your chaos but a distant memory?
How do I remove the guilt-laden chains from the core of my desire to allow myself to kneel again but at another’s feet?

“Please, Sir…”

How do I let you go?