To sir: Part V

I think I'm finally done,
Done with this numbness within,
The indifference that calls to me daily,
The silence,
Your ever-lurking presence, your chaos,
And finally,
Done with you.

For the first time in a long time,
I'm waking up.
I’m actually smiling.
The guilt of even talking to another is no longer a hindrance to me.
I've finally opened my eyes
To see that I'm a prize
You never deserved in the first place,
And I'm ashamed to admit it's taken me this long to realize that.

But, make no mistake,
I don't regret you,
My time with you,
My kneeling at your feet.
I never could.
You've broken through so many of my barriers,
Paving a conflictingly easy yet hard path for another,
And to a point I'm relieved to know you will never know or see this.

I came across your picture again,
But this time, no feelings were stirred,
This time, I didn't miss you,
This time, I threw it away and deleted any other I surprisingly still had of you, of us.
This time, I'm giving you my back
And there you will remain.

I'm off my knees now,
I can see that I gave you my best,
And instead of giving me yours, you left.
You ran scared of the depths
Of my submission to you.
That's okay, you weren't ready
And you realized that too late,
But I was scared, too.
I never allowed myself to be so vulnerable,
But I did with you.
So finally…

Thank you, sir, for making me realize my worth, and making me realize you never deserved thegift of that title falling from my lips.

To Me: Brush off those knees, exchange your bare feet for those slinky black heels, leave your waters behind for now. You're done here, girlie; we’re leaving.