To Spank, or not to Spank

    To spank, or not to spank, that is the question.
    Whether 'tis nobler of the hind to suffer
    the stings and ow's of outrageous humiliation,
    Or to resist the need to cry a sea of tears,
    and by resisting never know their grace?
    to lay OTK, to weep; no more;

    and by weeping to say never to such delight.
    The heart-ache and the thousand natural slaps
    that fanny flesh is heir to,
    'tis a consumption devoutly to be wish'd.
    To lay OTK, to weep;
    to weep, perchance to dream:
    aye, there's the rub;

    For in that dream of submission,
    what delights may come
    when we have taken off the coils of bondage,
    must give us pause: there's the respect
    that makes calamity of a vanilla lifestyle,
    for who would bear the ho's and hum's of boredom

    No oppressor to sass, or proud man to defy,
    No delight of dread for broken rules,
    to be insolent to a Master and get spanked
    that impatient of the worthy takes,
    where she herself might her quietus make
    with a bare behind? Would a Master bear
    To lie fallow in a dreary life
    But that the dread of nothing after punishment

    The undiscover'd country of whose arms
    A happy submissive never returns,
    puzzles the willful
    And makes us bear the ills of vanilla life we have
    then fly to Masters we know not of?

    Thus conscience does make cowards of submissives all;
    and thus the native hue of an unspanked bum
    is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of neglect
    and enterprises of great pith and moment
    With this regard their naughty thoughts turn awry
    and lose the name of action. -I should slap harder now!

    The naughty Ophelia! Nymph, in thy wicked thoughts
    Be all my sins remember'd.

No submissives were (excessively or unwillingly) hurt in the making of this parody. No explicit permission of the bastardized version of William Shakespeare's verse "To be or not to be" was obtained. I sent him an e-mail the other day, but he hasn't returned it yet.