To the gods for the rain

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A pinpoint of cold splashes on the skin
Rain drops spiral down to Gaea's welcome embrace
I watch the clouds surround the desert air
the air crackling with electricity and the power of life
feeling the water fall upon skin and thunder thrum
in my veins as I watch the storm clouds roll
Blood fills my ears screaming life into my head
making my senses dance with awareness as I
merge with the storm, the universe all connected...all separate...
All breathing life into the storm into Gaea and into the veins.
All taking life from the storm from Gaea and from the veins.
Give and take, balance and harmony, hospitality.
A gift for a gift.
The thunder pounds the skies with the turbulent air
that turbulence thrumming in my heart, in my soul.
Reaching my awareness into the clouds feeling the storm
rage through my blood fueling my emotions, my desires.
Feeling an emotional pinnacle as lightening crashes
with a deafening boom returning my eyes to the midworld.
Feeling a gust of wind caress the flesh more tender then a lovers touch.
Being embraced by the air and its gentle reminder of the reality and sensations of the midworld.
Once again the rain coats my skin.
Feeling the earth beneath my feet; ever changing, that rhythm; that breath, the move and flow of time.
My hands brush the soft damp earth
feeling the warmth beneath the surface, the flesh of the mother.
Beneath that surface feeling the still
water below even as more falls from above.
That still undisturbed surface rippling as my senses draw closer.
As it rushes up to meet me. My mind spins
as if overwhelmed by a wave and my feet are swept out
from under me.
My soul cries with joy while being enveloped by the cool
waters of potential the waters of rebirth the waters that Gaea
holds deep in her bosom, protecting that sacred beautiful well
The midworld calls again, my eyes searching the dark sky.
I feel the Gods presence, that feeling of being surrounded by
loved ones like a family get together on a Holiday.
Sighing I open my mouth to taste the skies offering.
Fresh water, cleansing the Sights from
the eyes, washing away the old.
Drip, Drop, Drip, Drop
the rain continues to fall
Drip, Drop, Drip, Drop
the water starts anew
Drip.....Drop....Drip....Drop.......
I can feel the storm roll out leaving me wanting
more. My heart aches and my soul weeps, the feelings
fade, and I’m left alone without even the rain.

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2 Comments
ishtatishtatabout 16 years ago
Precis ?

The basic issue I have with this piece is that I think you are saying far too much rather than creating an image which says it for you. Just one or two examples:- whole lines could be omitted eg 2& 8. You don't need lots of verbs especially 'ing verbs.Think how things could be said more economically eg 'electric air'rather than "the air crackling with electricity".In short a vigorous precis might improve what is basically a good idea.

Then again I might be quite wrong.

foehn2foehn2over 16 years ago
*Nod*

This Whitmanesque piece was very nicely written, and I liked it very much. Language, rhythm and imagery all very tight. Thanks.