to the only one who matters

sitting here
lost in thought
music playing in the background
today is just another day
like any other day
'cept you are not here
and that still has not sunk in

i have not heard you on the voicemail
"mare, quick, put on 98.1, 'walking in the rain'.  thought of you, the only one who matters."

i have not reached for the phone
to call you
telling you the same
"sea cruise"
"wonder of you"
"cant take my eyes off you"
will always have me thinking of you, the only one who matters

i have not tried to call and
share some unimportant piece of my life
that holds significance only for you
something only sisters can know
half said
yet wholely understood

miniscule message on the machine
meaningful minutae
holding us together through the week
till we can visit again
when work is done and saturday is here

only you are not here

          there

               or anywhere

that i can touch you

i am left with prayers whispered
in my heart
afraid to even admit out loud
to hold us together
till we can visit again
in the afterlife

save me a piece of your pretzel, will you ag?