Trying times

Desolate, truly from the inside out,
Even my friends, don’t carry much clout.
It rages inside like some damned disease,
I wish it was so easy to go, like a soft breeze.

Shield me, protect me, befriend me please.
Though love and trust I often do not seek from thee
Each I have opened to like a shinning star,
Only to be pushed, shoved away to far.

Now I’m destroyed and I am tainted
There is nothing left of me except to be painted.
So a smile here or a smile there
Yet none really reach my eyes so fair.

I play the system, I play the game,
And each day I see within and to it I lay claim.
I gave freely once, so very long ago,
Until my heart was shattered, blow by blow.

Now I wonder what is left for me,
I can not see anything ahead to set me free.
All I see is darkness and sorrow
And it carries on from this day to the morrow.