Twas The Day Before Christmas

'Twas the day before Christmas
And all through the mall
Everyone was fighting for
Their parking stall.

The shoppers were shoving
And fought through the door
In the hopes of finding
That one present more.

The registers were ringing
The money was flowing
The purchases lined up
The debt amount growing.

When what to my wondering
Eyes should appear
But a store with a sign
"Half Off Right Here."

I charged for the opening
Cash ready in hand
When a little old lady
Knocked me right on my can.

She spoke not a word
But went straight to her work
Shoving others aside
Then turned with a jerk.

"I saw it first" she said
With fire and vinegar
Then she turned away
And gave us the finger.

I looked at the lady
Sprawled by me on the floor
"I ain't gonna take that"
She replied with a roar.

She sprang to her feet
And charged into the fray
From the look she was
Just hoping to get her own way.


I sat there just stunned
As they fought in the store
All this for gifts
That no one cared for.

At this point I realized
I was in over my head
I felt I should leave
Or I'd wind up dead.

As I got to my feet
And made ready to leave
I had to turn to look
at the sight not to be believed.

The children were screaming
And Santa was tired
It was easy to see
He shouldn't have been hired.

I jumped in my car
And made out of the lot
Hoping against hope
That I wouldn't get caught.

The traffic was snarled
In an incredible mess
I now understood
All the holiday stress.

As I finally got home
This vow I now say
"For certain next year
I am going away."

Merry Christmas