T'was the Night...and I was Horny

Thank you M-Y. You are wonderful.

T'was the Night... And I Was Horny as Hell

T'was the night before Christmas, and I was horny as hell!
So I went looking for action in my '60 Deville.
I drove down the boulevard to fill that great need,
but the only one left was a hooker on speed.

She wore a red skirt and a top made of lace,
and had a scary monster tattooed right on her face.
Looked like she'd been rode hard and put away wet--
I couldn't believe this was the best I could get!

But my cock was so hard it needed to squirt,
so I thought, "what the hell, one night, it can't hurt!"
She climbed inside and away we went,
while I dreamed of using her 'til the money was spent.

She said, "Drive east to the Key Largo hotel.
The service sucks, but the rates by hour are swell!"
I followed her lead to our place for the night,
took her hand and led her up two whole flights.

I opened the door to room 302,
And watched as she took off both of her shoes.
I dropped my pants and out sprang my dick,
and I told her I'd pay extra for a really good lick.

I expected to get sucked, fucked, rimmed, and ridden.
I expected to do things that were strictly forbidden.
So you can understand my total surprise,
when she pulled from her breast a badge that read FBI.

From every corner agents appeared to gather,
and from my butt spewed fecal gray matter.
"Oh shit!" I yelled and one agent muttered, "Quite right,
but don't you worry, Sonny, we'll fix you up for the night."

His tone of voice soon gave me much fear and dread,
as I was cuffed and stuffed, my Miranda was read.
They put me in the car and said I was prison bound,
while I prayed this was a bad dream and I'd soon come around.

But it wasn't to be the dream I had hoped,
as we arrived and I was cavity searched with soap,
by the scariest guard I ever did see,
as he smiled and laughed with obvious glee.

"Oooo, ain't you a purdy one. The boys will like you.
Don't be too disappointed tonight; you still might get screwed.
You see they've been feeling a little down,
it being Christmas and all, you might bring 'em round.

I think I might make you my gift to them,
since one or two have been such good friends."
I looked at his face-- it must surely be a jest!
But he just looked pleased as in the prison clothes I dressed.

He led me down the row, cell after cell,
until finally we stopped and I sure didn’t feel well.
Inside the cage were two men dressed in pink.
I was pushed inside and the door it did clink.

It shut closed and I backed up against it,
while the guard then his cigarette he lit.
He took a long drag and said "Boys have fun,
but I still expect to be your special #1."

The guard, oh how he grinned as he bid us good night.
Wished us Merry Christmas and then turned out the light.
Then all I could hear was the tap of approaching feet,
and the sing-song voice that whispered, "You're in for a special treat."