Two Prostate Poems

I. What's Up, Doc?

"Get ready, get set, fair warning,"
my urologist said to me,
"You got a big one!, Friend!

On a scale from 1 to ten
at 2:00 o'clock in the morning
raining cats and dogs outside

and Daffy could just as well glide
as waddle wherever he's going,

how much does your bladder feel like a bottle
of Elmer's Glue no longer flowing?"


II. TURP

As I was saying "I love you"
to my anesthesiologist,
Darth Vadar tested his lightsaber wand
which in medico-Italian
is called a resectoscopio
because it looks like Pinocchio's nose.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Cara," I said
to my love who was talking to Darth
about the strength of Midazolam
which, if memory serves correct,
is what they called the love child of
Ungoliant and Vala Melkor.

"Don't touch" said Darth,
"Oui, oui, I said,
having reality well in hand,
when, Eureka! my urethra
got reacquainted with my glans!

"Such an exquisite corps!"