- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Unbuilding the temple
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Perfection comes in at the eyes
and leaves at the hands.
I will piece you into legend now, send you back
formless and sunlit to your origin point
in the solar circle, perfect stillness in that timeless time,
unmade, free of flesh, dissolved into a word.
I am excising the color of your body from my vision
I am taking your body out of mine
I am opening spaces, clearing out darknesses
I am sweeping in circles, widdershins around you
I am making a vast clear space, an open field
a land of plain hills and simple stones.
- COMMENTS
KOLKOREabout 16 years agoSomehow it was clear to me (one man's perception) that here is a consorted effort to undo a painful memory remaining in one's own mind of the person which we cherish (don't put me on a pedestal) despite their human shortcomings. Perhaps we all need to develop such rituals to expel bad and failing no longer existing relations. I need to buy some rituals from you...
Angelineover 16 years agoIt does have a chantlike quality for me. I'm not sure about the last line of it though, where you have to break for length and lose the repetition. That sort of sticks out to me, but I try to remind myself that the look on the page is less important than the sound of reading it aloud--and that way works very well.
Origen point is too formal for the tone of the rest of the poem. Maybe delete "point." All in all though a lovely piece of writing.
champagne1982over 16 years agofrom the previous 2 commentators. I like the poem, but I think you need to trudge your repetion a bit more rhythmically to make it a chant, or simply drop the "I am" in favour of listing your spell movements. Thanks for sharing.
Tathagataover 16 years agothe temple representing the body I imagine and you are sending another ( or perhaps yourself) into another dimension.
Perhaps death, perhaps just a higher consciousness.
I liked the repetition at the end as a sort of incantation or prayer or mantra.
Nice work
normal jeanover 16 years agoI am a big fan of repetition when it is used right, but it doesn't work here. I am sure you could find another way, an effective way, besides all those I am's
Also, origin point? wow, that reads so clumsily.
all in all, I did not "get" the poem. why would someone un-build a temple unless no one came to worship...
