- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Untitled
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Click hereDrifting slowly
with no aims
straying far from
earthly claims
spirits lost in
purest thought
turbulent times
all have fought
scoffing at pernicious tides
laughing so the
pain may hide
human voices
spare no heart
life is cruel
so who is not
- COMMENTS
My Erotic Taleover 19 years agoYour poem was mentioned on the thread
"New Poem Reviews"
thanks for the journey
Art~
annaswirlsover 19 years agoI like your choice of words in communicating your thoughts and observations. It might be interesting to re-write this without thinking about making the rhymes always at the end. Internal rhyme is exciting because it is unpredictable and sounds very cool. I think you used the end rhyme really well, I usually cannot read a rhyming poem all the way through and I read yours several times.
It might be fun to experiment! I do this with my own poems. Take a 40 liner and make it 5 lines just to see if I can and see how it changes everything but can still deliver my message.
I am not suggesting that you change your poem. Just play around with it and see what happens :)
all the best,
anna
without aim, we drift
and slowly, stray far from
earthly claims....
I want to go further! I might but not here... it is your thread :)
Drifting slowly
with no aims
straying far from
earthly claims
