Va'an Halen

(c) GratefulFred

Once upon a babe named Lizzy, I drank myself ‘til my head was dizzy
Over many a quaint and curious babes and forgotten whores --
While I was stoned, wanting munchies, suddenly there came a punching,
As of someone's guitars’ a jamming, jamming at my chamber door.
" 'T is some roadie, " I muttered, "Fine tuning guitars at my chamber door--
Only this and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak September;
And each joint caused loss brain cells as I piss upon my bathroom floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow -- vainly I wanted a girl to swallow
From my books surcease of sorrow -- sorrow for the lost Trixxy Adore-
For the rare and radiant mistress whom the angels name Trixxxy Adore-
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken, sad, uncertain when some sexy post was uncertain
Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic hand jobs like I felt sometime before:
So that now, my psyche warped brain, I stood believing.
" 'T is some amateur guitarist entreating entrance at my chamber door--
Some washed up visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door--
That it is and nothing more."

Suddenly my cock grew longer: no chics around, so why did I bother,
"Dude, " said I, "or wild ass chic, speak now before I hurl on the floor:
But the fact is I was numbing, and so gently you came strumming,
And so faintly you came a jamming, jamming at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you-- here I opened wide the door--
Darkness their and nothing more.

Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there praying for chics, appearing.
Wishing, dreaming dreams sexual charged like I dreamt before:
But the silence was unbroken, and in the stillness I was toking,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Trixxy Adore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word "Trixxy Adore!"--
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, like unprotected sex I felt a burning,
Soon again I heard a jamming somewhat louder than before.
"Landlord to go down on," said I, "surely that is something with late rent I do explore;
Let me see, then, maybe head, and this mystery explore--
Let my fart let loose in a moment and this mystery explore--
'T downwind the smell and nothing more!"

Open here I sung and stuttered, “My Generation” I slipped on butter,
In there stepped Va'an Halen of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obese was he; but he was a guy so it didn’t matter to me;
But, why not some hot lady, or Jim Morrison of “the Doors”--
Feeling up a bust of this babe just above my chamber door--
Feeling up, he sat, and nothing more.

Then he shot me a bird beguiling like I gave a shit I was smiling,
By the grave Howard Stern decorum of the fabled Wonder babes I adore,
"Though I be GratefulFred unshaven, thou," I said, "art sure no Wes Craven,
Roth has gone and ancient Va'an Halen wandering from the Night clubs garbage door--
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Itchy Anus cold sore!"
Quoth Va'an Halen, "Nevermore."

Definitely no Captain Marvel though perhaps he looks like that Guy Pardo,
Though I care less for deep long meaning – like when I sleep I snore;
For I cannot help myself from day dreamin’ some babe ‘tween my legs a’ kneeing
Feel up her breast, what’s with this guy peeling paint off my chamber door--
Dude get bent and get off the my babe’s bust and move way my chamber door,
What a fucked up name like "Nevermore."

But Va'an Halen strumming coldly feeling up the bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his gut hurt and that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered, but puked on the ground and sputtered--
Till I scarcely more then muttered, "Washed up musicians, I’ve had before --
On the morrow he will leave me, and I’ll clean up all his fleasies times before."
Then Va'an Halen said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply a joint as token,
"Doubtless," said I, "what you need is some weed I got from the store
Bought from some happy dealer whom I trust after putting feelers
Finish fast and get out faster no “Jump” song that’s quite a bore --
Smoked my joint and passed it back when nothing remained of core
I’d have that joint – “Nevermore."

But Va'an Halen feeling higher something in his nose, he pulled with plier,
Straight I wheeled from his smelly feet to throw the rock man from my door,
Think about some stripper sinking, to her knees I saw when blinking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this rock star who now was a bore--
What this grin, ungainly, ass hole, gaunt, and ridiculous guitarist of yore
Meant in choking, "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, this deadbeat whom I was addressing
“You smell fowl, whose bloodshot eyes looked glassy like at floor;
This and more I sat deriving, wishing for head watching Gator games reclining
On the cushion's Trixxxy’s lining mixed with a four tittied angel’s open back door
But whore Trixxxy lining with a dozen babes I need explore
What a dream, I though, but he said, nevermore!

Then methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from some other website’s crooked censor
Swung wide his ax seraphim whose waa-waa pedal rested on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "You missed me – as I daydreamed I forget thee
Respite -- respite the nympho queen from my memories of Trixxy Adore!
Quaff, oh, quaff this kind nympho queen I’ll never forget my longing for Trixxy Adore!"
Quoth Va'an Halen, "Nevermore."

"Profit!" said I, "you want money? – profit still, I m not you butt buddy!
Be thee gone wherever, or I shall kick thee though the cellar door,
Desperate yet all undaunted, he stated to me I was needed no more --
On my home turf I was haunted – get lost quickly, I implore --
Is there -- is there any way you’ll reconsider? -- tell me -- tell me, I implore!"
Quoth Va'an Halen, "Nevermore."

"Profit!" said I, "old guitarist! -- profit still, with a breath like a Stegosaurus!
Get thee gone far from me – he cornered me against the door--
Swings his ax against my noggin, that hurt like shit I felt real sore,
I shall love a sainted mistress whom the angels name Trixxy Adore --
Collapsing think of that babe whom the angels name Trixxy Adore."
Quoth Va'an Halen, "Nevermore."

"Cut me short from a last farting, old man fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting --
"My head spinnest black into the tempest and the Night's Itchy Anus cold sore!
Going black he stayed unspoken raised his guitar up high as token!
As I wilted away quite broken! – feels my babe’s bust above my door!
Stabs thy piece right through my heart, and watch me die down ‘pound my floor!
Quoth Va'an Halen, "Nevermore."

And Va'an Halen, never spamming, still is jamming, still is jamming
On my babe’s bust just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a jerk off artist that is creaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor,
And my dead head from out that shadow that lies in blood down on the floor
Shall be lifted -- nevermore!