- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Valentine Terzanelle
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Sweet wind blow and shake these boughs
and budded twigs that feel your urgent touch
and kisses numbered as high as forever allows.
Your warm caress arouses life, such
that sparks new vigor through its limbs
and budded twigs that feel your urgent touch.
The world hears your voice raised in hymns
and the tree, still sleeping, knows your song
that sparks new vigor through its limbs.
An errant thought that doesn't stay long,
whispers of spring in these arborial dreams
and the tree, still sleeping, knows your song.
Sweet breeze usher in these brightening beams
of sprouting love and valentine
whispers of spring in these arborial dreams.
Pleas to the forest of, "Will you be mine?"
as sweet winds blow and shake these boughs
with sprouting love and valentine
kisses numbered as high as forever allows.
- COMMENTS
bflagsstabout 15 years agoIt's very reminiscent of Elizabeth Barrett-browning in 'songs from the portguese'. I'm trying to get you an H for it--if I don't succeed, I'll right a little H next to it on my screen in pink marker.
Angelineabout 15 years agoVery evocative and I like the way you kept the tree/forest metaphor consistent across the poem. Also like how you're running sentences across lines, which to my ear, makes a form poem sound less singsongy. Sometimes it can be used as to make the "form" almost unnoticable. A few places I might edit, lose what sounds like an extra article or preposition to me, but in truth I didn't check to see if you're writing in any particular meter, so those "extras" might be necessary. All in all, a lovely Valentine's Day piece. (And congrats on the immunity win--lol, I crossed off the onegin stanza, too--looked like too much work to me.) :-D
xo,
S.
champagne1982about 15 years agoAuthorThank you so much for your critique wrt that kisses kiss befuddlement. I've asked Literotica to post an edit in place of the original text and hope that you still like the first line of the second strophe after you see the change.
CC
bflagsstabout 15 years agowas the only line I didn't like, mostly because I like the first line of the next bit better. 'Kisses' and then 'kiss' back to back didn't settle right in my mind's ear.
