Waiting for You

February 11, 2006, Saturday-I lay awake, late at night, waiting for an e-mail that I know will never come. It never does.

February 12, 2006, Sunday-I read an old e-mail from you which sends my heart soaring. I drift asleep with pleasant dreams of you.

February 13, 2006, Monday-I do something I haven't since I was a kid. Kneel by my bedside and pray....for Steve to have a safe trip.....and a safe return....and a quick one if possible.....

February 14, 2006, Tuesday-Depressed, I go out with my friends and get sloppy drunk....partly because I'm young and stupid, but mostly because I miss you awfully....and still thoughts of you haunt my mind....hmm.....

February 15, 2006, Wednesday-I lay in bed, reading one of those silly romance novels, fantasizing it is you and me......

February 16, 2006, Thursday-A tear slides down my face. I wonder if you are okay, if you think of me even half as much as I do you.

February 17, 2006, Friday-I lay in bed, late at night, tossing and turning. I curse you. How could you come in my life, and then leave, just like that. Leaving me lonely, wanting, needing.

February 18, 2006, Saturday-7 days have passed. You said 3 weeks. Just 14 more nights to go. Surely I can keep it together for 14 more nights.......Then you will be with me again....holding me tight....

February 19, 2006, Sunday-Unless something goes wrong. The place you said you were going.....so horrible. Dear God, please don't let anything go wrong. Please!!!

February 20, 2006, Monday-I've got to stop this. I'm driving myself crazy. Just 12 more nights.....12 more nights.

March 4, 2006, Saturday-It's been 21 days now. You will be back today. I wait....but hear nothing from you. Nothing at all.

March 5, 2006, Sunday-Still nothing, nothing at all. Surely....no! You have to be okay......You HAVE TO!!!!

March 6, 2006, Monday-Nothing......oh God.....OH GOD!!!

March 7, 2006, Tuesday-Nothing....NO!! NO!! This can't be happening.....it can't......where are you??????

1 year later-Still nothing. Reality has set in. You are gone from me forever. Something happened to you over there. You didn't make it back. If only I knew what it was. Surely the truth can't be worse than the things I imagine in my head. If only I knew. Not knowing is driving me crazy. What can I do? Nothing, but slowly go insane....oh, god...OH, GOD!!!!!