Wake Me!

        Wake Me!

That night all the whores and
       lovers came to wake me
What a vision!
All of us down at Clancy's Pub,
       in the lounge of course
Alice Beecham, the first thru the door
       kissed me on the mouth
       didn't sit well with the wife
She'd had her suspicions,
       now out in the open
In came Angela Patrillo,
       I knew her husband well
I filled in for him every week,
       starting the day after he went to hell
Sally Stanford, the widow Harrington
       big breasts visible beneath
       her black lace shawl
Patted me on the shoulder,
       perfume as heavy
       as her hips
My wife's nose
       picked up the familiar scent,
       the same as my cardigan
       after a late night stroll
Mary O'Reilly hammered her way in
       with that blasted cane,  
       a souvenir of Lourdes
       but she still limped!
Put her on a bed
       she could do circus tricks
Halley O'Shaughnessy came in
       with her young Yank husband
       He'd inherited Jackie's place  
       now a gentleman farmer
How many times had I plowed his furrow
       before he bolted the door?
Katherine Rhymes arrived,
       sweating like a steam engineer.
Kissed  me on the cheek,
       sweat dripping onto my nose
I used to have to ask her to draw the bath
       I could not go home stinking
       of potatoes and bacon
Nell O'Rourke arrived with five of her children,
       two who looked just like me,
       embraced me sweetly
       smelling of peppermint  
       caramel suckers
The parish priest came in
       asked for a whiskey neat
Smiled at me saying,
        "What a beautiful boy I'd been"
        patted my cheek
        made me want to leak
But I was not getting up again
I lay powerless in the open coffin
        watching the proceedings
Till Clancy, a beer in hand, came near,
        exclaimed,
       "By God the Man's
        got an Irish toothache!"*

  boner *

*A death erection, or boner (also named "angel lust") is a postmortem erection.