- Non-Erotic Poetry
- warsaw
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someone added first drops of milk
to the black coffee of the earth's full turn
and with the mustache of the clock
stirred the bitter sugar of the city
from the stone clouds of the metropolis river
the rain went down and knocked on the banks
and carried the whales away off the Streetcar Islands
wh
long time ago
lst eng ver 2006-12-12
- COMMENTS
LeBrozover 17 years agoBeen following your discussions on kennings on the PFD (Poetry Feedback and Discussion) forum. And like I told you, when reading that it feels so much like being back in school. Would be curious to see you dissect this piece; diagramming kennings reminds me in a way of diagramming sentences in grammar. Glad to see you bringing more serious discussions about poetry to the forum. There's been too much puff there for way too long.
Senna Jawaover 17 years agoAuthorBelow, I have posted the same comment twice -- one copy for duddle146, and one for LeBroz. Also, I have problems with my Internet connection.
Senna Jawaover 17 years agoAuthorLeBroz and dudle146, thank you for your kind comments here and under some of my other poems.
First of all I count on the direct image, here a lot of water. You know how whales get stuck on shores. (In general, without the direct image there is only junk and pseudo-poetry).
Then, optionally, there is also the parallel image, totally city.
Our days do not belong to the skaldic poetry era , when readers were raised and trained on kennings and metaphors, hence the second reading of my poem is not available to the great majority of the readers. Recently, I have posted on the Literotica Poetry Board an introduction to the "diagonal kennings". I may write a more advanced part two, about the -iterated- diagonal kennings and metaphors, based on "warsaw". I've written "warsaw" or rather "warszawa" (the first version was in Polish) a long time ago, when I just got the understanding of (diagonal) kennings (in particular, I have recognized then the crucial difference between the diagonal kennings and extractions). Since the Internet arrived, I was trying to share my knowledge with others, it may push poetry to a higher level, but... but but but... :-)
Warsaw & San Jose are the two cities to which I got attached (I worked and lived in San Jose but one year, the whole 1995). Thus it is only just that my other kenning intensive poem is "San Jose".
LeBroz, whales are reasonably (:-) soft, so I hope that you didn't bruise yourself too bad. I'll help you to get up on the Lit Poe Board. I still hope that even without any additional tools, the direct image was already a reward for the reading.
Best regards,
Senna Jawa
Senna Jawaover 17 years agoAuthorLeBroz and dudle146, thank you for your kind comments here and under some of my other poems.
First of all I count on the direct image, here a lot of water. You know how whales get stuck on shores. (In general, without the direct image there is only junk and pseudo-poetry).
Then, optionally, there is also the parallel image, totally city.
Our days do not belong to the skaldic poetry era , when readers were raised and trained on kennings and metaphors, hence the second reading of my poem is not available to the great majority of the readers. Recently, I have posted on the Literotica Poetry Board an introduction to the "diagonal kennings". I may write a more advanced part two, about the -iterated- diagonal kennings and metaphors, based on "warsaw". I've written "warsaw" or rather "warszawa" (the first version was in Polish) a long time ago, when I just got the understanding of (diagonal) kennings (in particular, I have recognized then the crucial difference between the diagonal kennings and extractions). Since the Internet arrived, I was trying to share my knowledge with others, it may push poetry to a higher level, but... but but but... :-)
Warsaw & San Jose are the two cities to which I got attached (I worked and lived in San Jose but one year, the whole 1995). Thus it is only just that my other kenning intensive poem is "San Jose".
LeBroz, whales are reasonably (:-) soft, so I hope that you didn't bruise yourself too bad. I'll help you to get up on the Lit Poe Board. I still hope that even without any additional tools, the direct image was already a reward for the reading.
Best regards,
Senna Jawa
