- Non-Erotic Poetry
- What do you say?
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What do you say to someone when they say they want to die?
Do you look at them and think, “Oh man, this person is a nut”?
Do you take them by the hand and sit them down? Ask them why?
What do you say to someone when all they do is cry?
Do you look at them and say “Oh phooey,you’re just in a rut”?
What do you say to someone when they say they want to die?
When sorrow lines their face,and there’s nothing in their eye?
Looking closely knowing that this person’s fading fast, but
Do you take them by the hand and sit them down? Ask them why?
Beds unmade, unslept in, plates unwashed, and laundry high
When you ask how they’ve been doing the response you get is “What?”
What do you say to someone when they say they want to die?
Did you ever think that when they look into the star bright sky
They see a life time free of woe, of illness, and of dust.
Do you take them by the hand and sit them down? Ask them why?
Some people just aren’t meant to dwell in places they can’t fly.
From birth their life’s a burden; never do they learn to trust.
What do you say to someone when they say they want to die?
Do you take them by the hand and sit them down? Ask them why?
- COMMENTS
TheDR4KEabout 20 years agoI really should take a bit of time and read the new dailies, rather than just following perks around to find the good stuff :-)
I love the challenge and freedom of working within the boundaries of forms, particularly the repetitive ones like the vill, sestina, etc. (One little comment -- your last two lines should be in reverse order by the way.)
As to the subject matter, I think you handled it very well and having been there, having seen the "why" we all asked ourselves afterwards, which we would have liked to ask him, I think it is something that is very worth writing about. It helps us all reflect on our meaning and our failures.
And our friendships.
Thanks,
the D
Anonymousabout 20 years agoHi Boo, How about how a person scoffs at them when they want to die, how they are isolated by others when in a rut, or stupid because there is nothing in their eyes, or lazy...and depression is hanging so heavy you can't see or feel anything anyways, but more hurt and misunderstanding from others...there is no one to turn to because this is all you get, or that you are crazy, I am bi-polar and fight this all the time, not suicide, but depression...guess this poem hit home. I was "active" once also, now it's just a haunt once in a while. Why didn't I respond, cause well heh...what do you do huh? :rose: E
Anonymousabout 20 years agoThis is a tough subject matter, you've handled it nicely along with much sensitivity.
WickedEveabout 20 years agoI think you handled the subject matter quite well. I know in the past I've learned that just because the content is heartfelt, true, a serious subject, etc, does not always make for great poetry. Many people will read this and think just because it's about a serious topic that it must be good poetry. And it is rather good. It just needs more work, in my opinion.
It's 4am here and my child can't sleep but I want to! So, I'll try to read this again later and tell you what's not quite working for me in this poem and see if I can come up with any suggestions that may help. And if I rack my brain and come up with nothing and the poem stays as is, it's still pretty good!
annaswirlsabout 20 years agookay am I losing my mind, I really thought I posted something here..
Boo, I think it is hard to comment on something so personal with criticism. I have been in this situation nthat you describe as I am sure many people have. What I wanted was some kind of answer, some kind of hope that there WAS an answer. I did not get that sense, only hopelessness, maybe I missed something or just put my own self in the picture too much. Or maybe you really did not have a suggestion, or maybe your point was there is no answer? If that was your intention, then it worked. I felt sad without relief after reading this, but then again with the PMS
I can talk to you more about this subject if you want. It is something I have done a lot of work on personally. Any time someone loses someone close to them to suicide it is a question they ask every day. I have a short story I wrote, not sappy I swear and sorry, absolutely no sex except her shorts are too small and a turtle crawls across her bare belly. I would love to share it with you if you wish.
I was impressed by your use of the form, not easy in any sense. You picked some powerful lines.
I do not like the words nut or rut but that is just because I am freaking crazy. I also do not like the words Slacks or Scream. ha.
I think you were wise letting us know that you really really wanted feedback. I think that in the future you might let people know ahead of time that way we will know coming in and you will not feel hurt. It is impossible to comment on every poem posted, or even every poem that moves me every day. Some days I have to pretend did not happen or happened before I came so I dont kill myself trying to finish it all.
I think a lot of people did not have a lot of time today on the boards, there were a lot of poems without many comments. Please do not take it personally. I must sleep. Night, Anna
