When I Understood

I knew I wanted you like this
when, after riding – tired muscles remembering
the feel of the horse under me
--I stood, the weak light of the window
sending the dust motes into lazy pirouettes
my hair tied messily, perfumed by hay, cheeks
red from December’s kisses -- my fingers finding you
amongst the forgotten brushes.

Picking up the riding crop, my fingers
smoldering on the heat within my exquisite mind,
I held it out, a sacred scepter, and studied it—
frozen.

You were with me there. I could smell the heat off my skin
knew your touch as words in my mind,
always there, a caress that I cannot avoid
the silent scream of desire – Suspended.

The whip is tightly twisted, braided leather
chocolate brown
fitting into a fine handle built for a slender hand,
lean fingers wrapping, one after another--
slowly
to tighten the grip and strike,
the switch soft
and supple as the tender flesh of my thigh.

Here with the latent power of the horses,
and your hands –
I am eager to kneel at your feet
eyes cast down, and request you to anoint me
my skin burning for the touch of leather that is
softer then fingers — grazing my cheek,
across a nipple, my belly, hip and thigh:
my soul through skin –
leaving me with the tattoo of my surrender,
clear as the red welts filling with my own blood.

Dazed, drugged with ownership,
understanding then the meaning of you --
I slip the crop back in it’s place, smiling
at the beauty of gifts given and received.