When the night turns

When the night turns - A D/S Romance

When the night turns into May will you think of me?
Do you remember the date of our first encounter? I tossed the ball of witty banter by mere chance and mood of moment and you tossed it right back heated under your elaborate fingers. The wolf had caught scent, but foolish as animals are he did not expect to meet his equal. He saw red Riding Hood, but it was a female wolf that had caught scent of him before he was even aware of her existence. The age old tale of the ways between man and woman, told through us once again with humour and intensity.

Under fir trees I sit in the remnants of snow among the blossoming meadow and the shades of clouds and I cannot help but wonder.
Will you remember me? The music plays, an E-guitar sounds across the open fields and I ask you in the only way that' s left for us to communicate - in the vast spaces of our bonded minds that cross the oceans - will you one day write a song for me?

Do you talk with me, too, in silent helpless whispers when night urges us to look into the mirror of ourselves and see the demon inside it? I send a sad smile towards your silent figure for I know! Know what you look like as you stand by the window pondering the mystery of life that has led our paths to cross. Asking yourself why I am still within your heart. So much time has passed; so much time. Yet my feelings cannot change. Fool me fool you for expecting it. I hear you wonder "Why does she love me so? How could she under the circumstances we had to face day by day?" I smile and look you in the eye – don't flee me, not this time – and I say: "You know why, you just have not admitted it to yourself yet." We dreamt and dream turned into reality.

I know much about you, so many a thing that would catch you by surprise, but let me not spoil it. Not here not now. I will let you know I am aware that you are a Master of many an art, that you purposefully deceived me to test whether I would still stand by you. Foolish peacock that you are! I know you, and I love you for and despite it. Oh you are a Casanova and a De Sade I know. I always know. I am your equal.

But will you remember me? Remember how genuine and deeply I gave myself to you? Ah my feather spreading bird. What are you aware of about me in return that you don't understand why your actions were so wrong so inadvertently wrong? I am Ophelia, Cleopatra, Simone De Beauvoir, the lady Sei Shonagon and the flower that will forever blossom in your soul and set a mark upon this world this age in her very own name.

Remember me!

Every day I face your bodiless voice and I force myself to counter. I fight to do what is right by you right by me. You left me no choice but to struggle alone. I forgave you, but it is so hard. You are my salvation and my downfall.

Each step is a battle I embrace to ensure your happiness to create my own, but oh how excruciating the pain. It engulfs my whole existence day after endless day; it has been eight months and counting. You made sure I will never forget the day you last addressed me, forced to by my demanding pain, it was my birthday. Yes you fool, yes.

I won't let myself be a burden to your already difficult life. I know you love her, it hurts so much to accept it and it would kill me to hear it from your lips, but I wish for you to strife for her unbound happiness. Do unto her as you would have done unto me. And I cry promise myself I will try one last time to win this war to show my true nature and earn what I always asked for. But I am scared, who will hold me so that I do not stumble into the open awaiting abyss? You think I am strong, all the good people do yet I am not.

I am just a survivor.

Sunny May has come but little does it shine for me. Remember me when its rays touch your dark hair and velvet skin. Answer no longer to my warm and sudden biddings though every fibre of my being wants you to, needs you to because I still feel unheard, unheeded disrespected and thrown away. Let us be aware that it would lead to chaos.

When tonight turns into May remember me.
Make it an anniversary of celebrating our lives consciously and appreciate the good people and things within it. I for my part count you among those I do not wish to exist without, you are dear to me despite everything, but it is a paradoxon. I shall celebrate that, too. What else can I do?

I will always love you and wish your best in life while honouring myself to seek my own.

For that is what it means to love unconditionally. And I do, you taught me to.

Whenever the night turns

Remember me -

As I remember you.