- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Where the Grass is Greener
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A fence surrounds the meadow where I dwell.
At times my gaze strays to the grass beyond
To where a brighter green casts forth its spell
With sweet perfumes to tempt me to respond.
Do I dare seek delight beyond my fence,
Beyond the paths I’ve worn to fit my feet,
Beyond the groves of joy that grew so dense,
Beyond my fruit that thrives in balmy heat?
I heed no promises of paradise
But measure my home field's fertility.
No vague green glimpse could possibly entice
If seeds I've sown at home still nurture me.
No mere illusion will lead me astray,
But parched and barren soil could drive me away.
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineerover 13 years agoUnlike some I like the structure of sonnets, although I think language and syntax should be flexible and show some variation. The narrative flowed well, but the words and syntax felt a bit forced.
buttersover 13 years agobut its use in this write speaks of measured steps, considered thoughts. i find the message in this piece very sad, and the use of a sonnet maybe less strange after all as it 'fences' the emotional content here.
twelveooneover 13 years agoBeyond the paths I’ve worn to fit my feet,
Beyond the groves of joy that grew so dense,
Beyond my fruit that thrives in balmy heat?
Interesting, tricolon is that the term leading to the volta, maybe overkill
the problem with sonnets is you raise the bar, you go up against giants
and this is a great line
But measure my home field's fertility.
vrosej10over 13 years agoI love the extended metaphor (a conceit) for infidelity. The language is a little starchy but a solid effort.
