Why am I so sexy?

Why am I so sexy
Is a question I often ask
Sometimes I even wonder
If I am up to the task
It is not as easy
As it seems to be
It's hard to be sexy
It's hard to be me.

Sure you get lots of smiles
And hi and hello
But you have to be careful
Wherever you go
Those how have the condition
Would know what I mean
So many fine women
Want to be on your team.

They knock at your door
All times of the night
Beating and pounding
To get theirs done right
Crying and moaning
Then jumping with glee
When LOVER is seen
Coming down with his tree.

But the tree is so big
It gets in the way
And is even great trouble
When I try to lay
All the screaming and shouting
Provoked by the joy
All these women enraptured
By the size of my toy.

Then of course there are men
Who say it’s a problem
That I’m stealing their girls
And making them solemn
But I try to explain
That its not my fault
For their women to leave
Doing great summersaults.

So I end with this thought
Asking you to understand
That I’m not a dog
Just a wonderful man
And ladies if you think
You might want to be mine
Just dial one eight hundred
Sixty nine, Sixty nine.