Woman-Child's Rant

Oftentimes I dream of silly things
Of love interests and mindless flings
Of making love and the beautiful things in life
Of loving without the accompanying pain and strife
I dream not of knights
With shining armour saving me from deadly plights
I dream not of girlish teenage crushes
I dream not of the modest blushes
But of demons haunting
Situations daunting
In need and wanting
For anyone to hold my hand
For just one journey throughout this land
For just one chance at being known
Without feeling even more alone
I dream of finding a fellow poet
Who will capture my heart, though not even know it
I dream of someone strange, someone without
I dream of someone with hopes and doubts
I dream of colored lands and bright, sunny days
I dream of that love that simply stays
I dream of loving, living,
Breathing, giving
Taking, making
Falling without breaking
Understanding
Never reprimanding
Being accomplished and not
Demolished
By society and their stupid rules
By people who make themselves out to be fools
I want to live every day knowing
That up and beyond are the only directions I am going
I want to die with no regrets
I want to die knowing I reached the goals I set
I want to die
I want to cry
For the young girl within me I have lost
For what loving him and her and him to me, have cost
For what pain and sorrow I have gone through
For knowing I could never have a chance at you
For being so awfully goddamn smart
I've always hated being smart...
I want to be ignorant at what I have missed for so long
I want to be ignorant that what I've always done seems to always be wrong
I dream, sometimes, that I am free
To do whatever seems
Right for me
I hate that dreams never come true
I hate not knowing what to do
I hate so much, and yet so little
I hate feeling so stuck in the middle
I hate, most of all that I am a girl
And so, unworthy of seemingly everything in this world
I hate that authority is so in charge
I hate authority for being so large
I hate society
Propriety
Reality
I hate that I can't think all of the time
I hate that all I think comes out in rhyme
I love what is so petty to everyone else
I love things that belong only to myself
The sunrise on a rainy day
The sunset on any day
The ocean afar streched out so wide
The way the moon reflects on it's tide
The way the sand feels so warm
The way dolphins and fish jump with such grace and form
The way the sky seems endless and so free
The way the breeze feels to me
The way fields are so peaceful
Tranquil
The way I feel when you are near
The way you always, in my dreams, appear
I hate it so when all of that disappears
I wish I could just rip off my hate as if it were a garment I simply wear
I wish I could just glue my heart back together when it tears
I wish I could strip myself of all inhibition and just be free
Just be me!
I wish too often, I wish too much
I wish so often I could feel your touch
I wish I could get under your skin as you are mine
I wish I could pretend everything is just dandy and fine
I wish I could know you for who you really are
I wish my dreams, from reality, weren't so damn far
I wish your kiss upon me would be bestowed
But could that happen even if you were not known?
I wish your hands could feel my pain
I wish you could heal my pain
But what would I have to gain?
More pain?
A risk is worth taking only if you feel deserving of the prize
A heart is only worth winning if you don't see only with your eyes
A soul is worth knowing only if you know your own
A touch is only worth receiving if you feel it to the bone
A word is worth repeating if it is love, and love could not hurt so
A secret is only worth telling if it's something they should know
A poem is worth reading if it comes from the soul
A poem is only worth writing if you write with no control
I wish I made sense
I wish I could repent
For my oh, so many sins
Yet I have no religion to place myself within
I wish I weren't so cold
I wish my mindset weren't so damn old
I wish my body was perfect and without flaw
But that would not be human, and if it is, then from grace I would surely fall
I wish I could believe in something true and right
But with myself, I always seem to fight
I wish sometimes I could just go away
And maybe live to see another day
I wish I could have someone to talk to
I wish I could talk to you
I wish I would just stop and settle down
I wish not everything would make me frown
I guess someday my dreams could come true
Until then, I shall just dream of you...