- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Writing To A Ghost
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Click hereWRITING TO A GHOST
this place of imprisonment
is merely a silent reciever.
dreams are ambitious, and yet,
i am a beggar in my own dungeon.
that small space - i call my world.
an ordinary man reaches out
as if written to hamlet
on this ole desk
(the wind picks up).
- COMMENTS
My Erotic Taleover 18 years agoI for one find your write to be perfect in reflection to what it was you saw the moment you put it to pen, widdling at what already is ...is like the human body, some want implants and surgery to change what is, I like your writes, always a touch of cleverness and sprinkled with wit,
twelveooneover 18 years agotwo small faults, this is visually a key line, the middle and it sticks out:
"that small space - i call my world."
make it better, cramped rather than small, perhaps, check meaning and sound - "i call my world". sounds just a little tired
"on this ole desk"
unless you have a good reason go with old, sounds better, less folksy.
Other than that, I find it good, original, flow seems to follow mood
