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Click hereI remember lying barefoot in the cool clover
watching the cumulus make their way north
hearing the bee a few feet away on a pollen run
sometimes a tiny airliner would fire across
looking like a streaking jewel in the sunlight
sometimes the moon would show her face in the day
too much noise now to ever go back
it seems as if there are too many thoughts
my brain is on function and off of observe
I gave it a personal "wow", but "streaking jewel" fell short. Otherwise, loved it!
It has the making of a really lovely poem....JUST misses the mark (for me). But well done!
Very nice poem. I love the smell of grass and moist earth, and it brought that back to me. Funny thing about the last line though...
LOL
A bright little observation that didn't really knock me off my feet, made me quite nostalgic. I wanna go back there too.
(and I love that last line)
Very nice simple and smooth reading poem until the last line. You should consider altering it (IMHO).