- Non-Erotic Poetry
- You've tried to squeeze yourself
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
I know how you feel.
And it must've hurt to watch your world flushed down a gutter
in the light, pitter patter of rain we had last week.
You tried to convince yourself of things impossible
and admittedly, you made it.
But now you're watching as a piece of concrete chinks across faded sidewalk--
cracked and jagged,
and your hands slip down your side
in the exact way hers did.
It must've stung to know your perfection and your invincibility was as real as her love.
Do you feel the apathy growing?
Do you feel it?
Do you feel it?
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 18 years agoI liked the musicality of your language here, seen with lines such as 'in the light, pitter patter of rain' and
'as a piece of concrete chinks across faded sidewalk'
the alliteration of 'concrete chinks' makes the word skip as you read it and the image of a 'faded sidewalk' is a subtle but powerful image that can be interpreted on many levels. Good.
What I didn't like about the poem was the dullness of some of the other language you've used esp with the narrator in the poem.
'It must've stung to know your perfection and your invincibility was as real as her love.'
This line, in particular, lacked the impact of lines above. It made the poem tepid.
Good work, there is a great poem at the core of this.
